


is this what you wished

by fanx



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-09
Updated: 2020-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-01 00:55:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,553
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23076637
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fanx/pseuds/fanx
Summary: "hyung, i can't keep kissing strangers and pretending that they're you."
Relationships: Moon Taeil/Nakamoto Yuta
Comments: 4
Kudos: 64





	is this what you wished

taeil wasn't really sure what he was doing here. he was, however, sure of the fact that wong yukhei did _not_ invite him to this party. he was here courtesy of jaehyun, who had forced him to wear the sluttiest outfit he could find (jaehyun's words, not his own), and dragged him to yukhei's giant ass bachelor's pad that he somehow knew was paid by yukhei's parents. sometimes, taeil did envy these rich kids. 

the designated dance floor was brimming with horny 20-somethings grinding up against each other, sucking face, and acting like they graduated the pole dancing school with flying colours. taeil couldn’t possibly explain just how uncomfortable he felt, sitting there on the couch, flanked by two stoned kids who he pretty sure were his classmates from econ studies. the pad was bathed in neon lights, and taeil remarked on how on brand that truly was. 

just as he was about to get up to get some more refills from the kitchen (or probably try to sneak out before jaehyun tried to drag him back), a figure stood before him, forcing him to sit back down in surprise. when he looked up, it was to find nakamoto yuta staring down at him, looking like he'd just stepped out of a magazine spread. of course, _of course_ he would look good with his stupid greyish hair growing nearly past his shoulders, his lithe frame swathed in that stupid anime t-shirt and leather jacket... goddammit, this was definitely not the time. 

"yes...?" taeil initiated after probably a minute of intense staring and finding that yuta still refused to say anything. "is there anything you need from me?"

"come with me," was the only thing yuta said, and taeil tried his hardest to control his reaction at hearing his voice after months of radio silence. 

"where to?"

"come," yuta held his hand out. taeil looked at it, then back to yuta's unreadable face. 

"i thought you didn't want me touching you anymore." taeil tried, he really did, but he couldn't help the venom in his tone. yuta had told him to stay away, to never think of reaching out to him ever again the last time they confronted each other, and it was hard to let go of the memory. at least, he got the satisfaction of seeing yuta flinch, finally a smidge of expression crossing his otherwise stoic face. 

"please trust me. i just—" he looked around then, as if _just_ realizing where they were, and turned to look at taeil again. "i need to talk to you. we need to talk."

it would be a lie to say taeil didn't miss him. they used to be roommates for three semesters, probably more if whatever happened between them during summer _didn't_ happen. taeil contemplated on just leaving this fucking party, to just step away from yuta and not take his stupid hand, but when he looked up again past his still outstretched hand, something on yuta's face made him feel guilty. 

it wasn't completely yuta's fault, that much he knew. he just wished their... whatever it was, didn't end the way it did. so he bit down on his lip and clasped his hand onto yuta's as the other pulled him up from the couch. 

"thanks, for... you know," yuta said, bumping his shoulder against taeil's softly. taeil only shrugged. 

"where are we going?"

yuta didn't answer, kept leading him with a hand on taeil's back, and even through jaehyun's varsity jacket he borrowed, he could feel the warmth it emitted, like a steady presence in an otherwise chaotic situation. a few guys tried stopping yuta, asking questions about his latest football match, but he replied with either a nod or a tight smile, not stopping even once to entertain them. taeil didn't know what or how to feel. this was so far from the yuta he had gotten to be used to. 

when they stopped in front of the toilet, taeil began to second-guess his own decision. he didn't think being in an enclosed space with yuta would help matters. but yuta didn't shove him into it; he knocked on the door a few times to make sure there was really no one in it, and looked at taeil as though he was asking permission. once again, the guilt crept back up, so he nodded. 

once the door fell shut behind them, taeil threw the paper cup into the bin and made himself as comfortable as he could on the edge of the bathtub. it looked like no one had even used it, and again, envy clouded his judgement. 

"uh, i wanted to say you look good blonde," yuta started, and taeil found it funny how the intense, seemingly-confident yuta from before appeared to have disappeared as he now chose to focus on the rug near the tub. 

"um, thanks?" he replied, though he started to touch his hair, feeling self-conscious all of a sudden. he didn't have the time to even style it because jaehyun had said it looked good, and he trusted jaehyun more than anyone. "so... is that what you dragged me in here for?"

yuta snapped his eyes towards taeil at that, "i didn't drag you."

"i know. i was joking..."

"right, right."

"yuta, what's going on? i thought you didn't even wanna see my face anymore."

he watched as yuta pinch his eyes close, as if he wished more than anything for taeil to stop mentioning their bitter fallout. but it wasn't as if he could help it; their friendship dissolved pretty much soon after that happened. the next morning, taeil woke up to yuta's side of the dorm void of everything. no letters, no lingering scent, nothing. 

"i'm sorry, taeil hyung, i'm really fucking sorry. i just—these last few months have been a nightmare and it's been taking a toll on me and—" abruptly, he stopped, and stared into taeil's eyes. "i'm not trying to justify my actions and you should know that. you deserve the truth. i'd been an asshole to you and for that, i'd like to apologize, if you'd have it."

yuta's words had felt like a slap across his face, and suddenly everything that had transpired between them that summer played like a fucking montage in his mind. here was yuta, looking like he was close to tears, begging for taeil's forgiveness, and taeil could feel himself softened by the sincere words.

"yuta i—"

"it's alright if you can't forgive me for saying those... those hurtful words to you. i won't be able to forgive myself if i were you, but i just want you to know how sorry i am, how i wished it never happened, how—"

"yuta-yah, come here. i can't promise you it'll be comfortable though," taeil joked, wanting so desperately to lighten up the mood. never in a million years would he expect to be in this situation when jaehyun dragged him to this party, but look at him now. he ought to swallow his own tongue. 

yuta dragged his feet to where taeil sat, and taeil almost snorted at how uncharacteristic that was for him. nakamoto yuta simply wasn't the kind of man who would drag his feet; even at his worst he still trudged with confidence. seeing him like this almost made taeil break down himself. 

"thanks for, you know, apologizing. i know how hard it is. truthfully, i should have apologized to you too, way earlier, but i wasn't sure if you even wanted to see me, nor hear from me."

" _god_ , i ruined everything," yuta groaned, sounding absolutely tormented as he buried his face in his palms. "i hated the fact that i made you feel like that. you don't deserve this."

"yuta—"

"i'm in love with you."

that shocked him into silence. he tried to wrack his brain for everything that might have hinted to the sudden revelation, but found nothing. 

"w-what are you saying?"

yuta seemed to have found courage as he brought his head up to stare into taeil's eyes. "i've been in love with you since you moved into the dorm and—and i had been a coward. hyung, i can't keep kissing strangers and pretending that they're you."

there was nothing in taeil's mind except for yuta's 'i'm in love with you' playing like a broken record. he could barely believe his own ears, thinking that it was all a joke, that whatever he had drunk just now was messing his mind, only to be faced with yuta's brown eyes shining with sincerity. 

oh god. yuta had been in love with him this whole time and they had fought as if they both hated each other's guts. 

"hyung, did you hear me? i can't keep kissing strangers—"

"yes, i heard you," was all he said before cupping yuta's face and dove in for a kiss, the one they both deserved and wanted for so long. 

he knew they needed to talk more about their fight, needed to know where they currently stood with each other, but as he felt yuta's smile against his lips and his body finally lax, as if it had only needed taeil's kiss to be unwound, the only thing in taeil's mind that was worth noting was, ' _fuck, i'm in love with him too_ '.


End file.
